


flatline

by hoshuji



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Plot Twist, Soonhoon - Freeform, howoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-06-26 21:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15672066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoshuji/pseuds/hoshuji
Summary: Soonyoung broke up with Jihoon because he fell out of love, or so Jihoon thought. Well that’s what Soonyoung told him.Jihoon thought that he was in a painful situation, when in reality, Soonyoung was already fighting for his life.





	flatline

**Author's Note:**

> this has been hiding in my notes for quite some time now  
> sorry in advance for what will happen to soonyoung :-(

The first time Soonyoung laid his eyes on Jihoon, the only thing that popped up on his mind were the words, ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with him.’

-

Three years had passed since Jihoon agreed to be Soonyoung’s boyfriend, and Soonyoung has never been this happy in his entire life. Every moment with Jihoon shined, every touch and every kiss was magical. He couldn’t ask for more.

Jihoon, too, was thankful for Soonyoung, but being the shy person that he is, he seldom showed affection towards his boyfriend. Nonetheless, he loved and cherished everything about Soonyoung. His boyfriend never lacked in reminding him how much he loves him.

 

Until now...

 

Jihoon found himself curled up on his bed, quietly sobbing, tucking the first ever letter Soonyoung gave him between his arms. 

 

_Jihoon-ah,_

_I can’t believe you answered ‘yes’ when I asked you to be my boyfriend._

_Don’t worry, I’ll remind you every day how much I’m thankful to have you and to be able to call you ‘mine’. (Hihi that was cheesy) Also, I promise that you won’t regret your decision because I’m ready to love you with all my heart. Making you happy is my priority._

_I love you._

_Soonyoung-ie_

 

Jihoon would always lock himself up in their room and bawl his eyes out every time Soonyoung leaves without telling him.

He would call the older from the kitchen to say that dinner’s ready, but the only response he gets is the sound of the door closing, an indication that Soonyoung just left. Sometimes, it would be in the morning when Jihoon had just woken up and there’s no sign of Soonyoung anywhere, let alone a note or a text, nothing.

It hurt Jihoon at first because it was a huge shift of attitude for Soonyoung. One day he was all cuddly and clingy, and in a blink of an eye, Soonyoung just became distant.

Jihoon didn’t want to say he’s already used to it because he doesn’t want to be. He ~~wants~~ needs his old boyfriend back, he wants _his_ Soonyoung back.

One night while the couple were resting, Soonyoung’s phone rang on top of Jihoon’s bedside table. Jihoon picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID. “Soonyoung-ah, someone’s calling y—“ He got interrupted when the latter immediately grabbed the phone from his hand. “Give me that.” Soonyoung got up and went outside so Jihoon wouldn't be able to hear the conversation.

Jihoon puzzled all the pieces together. It all made sense to him. Soonyoung leaving during random times every day without telling Jihoon, calling someone in the middle of the night or distancing himself whenever he receives a call.

Every time it happens, Jihoon’s vision would become blurry as tears started to form in his eyes. He can’t help but cry, but he just keeps it to himself. He didn’t want to be a nuisance to Soonyoung.

_What did I do to make him look for someone else?_

_What did I do to make him feel unloved?_

_Do I forget to remind him how much I love him? How much he means to me?_

_Do I fail to do my part as his boyfriend?_

Jihoon repeatedly asked himself these questions whenever he was left alone, sobbing endlessly.

Jihoon was left alone again one morning, without Soonyoung anywhere in sight. He was so used to waking up with his boyfriend by his side that waking up to cold sheets beside him made his heart feel empty. Jihoon called in sick for work that day because he didn’t have the strength to interact or even do anything.

He was shocked when Soonyoung arrived home with bloodshot eyes, his hair all over place. The younger immediately went to Soonyoung and rubbed his back. “Soonyoung-ah, are you okay? What’s the matter? Did something happen?” Jihoon asked worriedly, face displaying a somehow anxious but surprised look.

He slowly led Soonyoung to their room and let him sit on their bed. “Stay here, I’ll get you a glass of water." As Jihoon was about to leave the room, Soonyoung grabbed his arm. “Ji, I—“ He choked on his breath. “I... You... W-We need to talk.”

Jihoon’s eyes widened, his body froze on the spot.

_I knew this day would come._

Jihoon slowly turned his back and faced Soonyoung whose head was already down. He sat beside the latter who was already sniffing and wiping his eyes. “T-talk about what... S-Soonyoung?” He held Soonyoung’s hand, slowly rubbing it with his thumb.

_Silence._

“Soonyoung, t-talk about what?” Jihoon blinked multiple times to prevent himself from crying.

Silence filled the air until Soonyoung spoke up. “I... I can’t do this anymore.” Soonyoung shut his eyes as tears started running down his cheeks.

Jihoon looked down as he let out quiet sobs, hand still entwined with Soonyoung’s. He didn’t have any plans to let go.

“Ji, I-I’m sorry. I’m really s-sorry.” He managed to say in between sobs.

Soonyoung was surprised when a warm hand cupped his face. Then there he was, Jihoon, with his angelic features, looking at him in the eyes. “Why, Soonyoung-ah? Tell me.” The older did not expect Jihoon to be understanding of the situation but considering how patient and empathetic a person Jihoon is, it hurt Soonyoung to hurt him.

Soonyoung held Jihoon’s hand that cupped his face. “It’s just that... that... I’m not happy anymore.” Soonyoung began to cry hard as soon as he finished talking. Jihoon was left speechless. Tears started to escape his eyes again.

_It’s my fault, Soonyoung-ah. Don’t blame yourself._

_I didn’t do my part as your boyfriend when you’ve obviously given your all._

“I still love you, Ji... But it’s just not working out, you know? I don’t see this relationship going somewhere.” Jihoon removes his hand on Soonyoung’s face. He nods, head faced down. “I’m sorry, Soonyoung. S-Sorry that I... I didn’t meet your standards. Sorry that I wasn’t able to make you happy. Sorry that—“ Soonyoung interrupted Jihoon. “No, Ji. Don’t blame yourself, please. It’s not your fault.”

Soonyoung then cupped Jihoon’s face. Jihoon stopped himself from crying further. Instead, he savored of what he thought will be the last time he will ever feel his boyfriend’s touch by resting his cheeks comfortably on Soonyoung’s hand, tears landing on the latter's palm.

It hurt Jihoon to see the man he loved—he still loves—to fall out of love for him. But he thought that maybe this is how the world works, not everything will end up the way you want it to.

“I still love—“

“Jihoon... Please... Don’t say it. It will just hurt the both us.” Jihoon shuts his eyes and nods continuously in agreement.

Soonyoung slowly removed his hand that was cupping Jihoon’s face, slowly grabbing and holding the younger’s hand on his lap. They stayed like that for the time being while quiet sobs continued to escape from the two.

“I guess this is it.” Soonyoung broke the silence. “I’ll pack some of my things tonight, then I’ll get the rest next time and I’ll leave first thing tomorrow.”

-

Jihoon still cannot believe what happened last night. He really woke up without Soonyoung by his side.

“I already miss you.” Jihoon mumbled to himself while looking at the framed photo of him and Soonyoung.

He sat on top of his bed, hugged his knees and rested his face on top of his knees. Tears started to stream his face. Realizations kept hitting him. 

Everything changed in a blink of an eye. Soonyoung whom he always loved and cherished was now gone. What once was a room filled with happiness and laughter, was now a cold empty space with nothing but Jihoon and his quiet sobs.

-

A week has passed since Soonyoung parted with Jihoon. The petite boy was still in the process of moving on, still, no one can say that he was progressing. As days passed, he missed Soonyoung even more.

As Jihoon was cleaning the contents under the coffee table, he found a paper that he shouldn't have found.

Jihoon's body froze the moment he read the contents of the paper.

_No. No. No._

Countless tears streamed his face as it landed on the paper.

_Oh, God, no. Please, no._

His pupils shaking as he continued to read from what it seems like a test result from the hospital. Tears continued to fall from his eyes.

"S-Soonyoung, why?  W-Why didn't you t-tell me?" Jihoon said to himself in between sobs.

Jihoon felt like his world crumbled to pieces as soon as he realized what the paper was implying. _'Why didn't Soonyoung tell me.'_

And now, it  _really_ made sense to him.

He felt weak to the knees, heart beating twice as fast, dizziness hitting him. He dropped himself on the couch, grasping the situation. It felt surreal, as if it's a joke. As if someone pulled a prank on him. But, no, everything was true.

Jihoon scoffed mockingly. "Soonyoung wouldn't hide this from me. He would never." He turned to the direction of his and Soonyoung's framed picture on the dresser beside the television. "You would never hide anything from me, right Soonyoung?" He choked on his breath. Beads of tears once again formed on his eyes. "Please tell me this isn't true." He looked at the paper once again. "Really, Soonie? L-Leukemia? Why didn't you tell me?" He exhaled deeply.

Jihoon stared at the test result for quite some time when he decided to call Seokmin, Soonyoung's best friend.

"Oh, hyung! What can I do for you?" Seokmin answered cheerfully. "Where's Soonyoung?"

"Hyung, uhm... Sorry, I don't know." He lied. "Come on, Seokmin. Please. Tell me where he is. I know that you know something." Jihoon begged. "Sorry, hyung. I really don't know—"

"I saw the result, Seokmin... From the hospital... I saw it." Jihoon felt a lump on his throat. "C-can you please j-just tell me?" He heard Seokmin breathe through the phone. "Please?" Jihoon continued.

The two became silent. Jihoon can hear Seokmin cry.

"I-I'll pick you up, hyung. It's about time you know."

"Thank you." Jihoon ended the call and waited for Seokmin to arrive. He kept walking back and forth, growing impatient as time passes.

Seokmin finally arrived and Jihoon didn't waste any time, and hurriedly sat in the passenger's seat.

Not one word was spoken throughout the whole ride, instead, quiet sobs were heard from Jihoon. He was filled with regret. He felt selfish. All this time, he thought Soonyoung was cheating on him, but in reality, he was the one who was really suffering. He hated himself because he didn't bother asking his boyfriend if he was being unfaithful or if he was feeling okay. Nothing. He hated himself because he was such an introvert that it seemed like he didn't care about Soonyoung, he was too shy, too afraid to do so. He bowed his head and continued to cry.

_I'm on my way, Soonyoung. Wait for me, I'm almost there. I'll be beside you in no time._

When the car came to a stop, Jihoon lifted his head and was shocked when he saw that they have arrived at a hospital. He slowly got out of the car, eyes blinking non-stop, realizing that he was only a few steps away from Soonyoung. _'I'm here, Soonyoung.'_  Seokmin guided Jihoon along the way, leading him to Soonyoung's room.

He found himself in front of Soonyoung's hospital room. Jihoon's body froze, not knowing what to do. He wasn't ready to enter. He doesn't want to see Soonyoung in  _that_ state, it'll hurt him more than when Soonyoung broke up with him. He doesn't want to accept the fact that what once was his energetic and hyper boyfriend, is now confined in a hospital, fighting for his life. It broke Jihoon's heart.

"Go, hyung. I'll be waiting here outside." Seokmin sits on the bench just beside the door.

Jihoon mustered his courage and slowly opened the door. He wanted to look tough for Sonyoung, he wanted to let him know that he's being strong for him. However, as soon as he saw Soonyoung, looking weak and pale, tears started to stream his face. _'How can I not know? How can I not notice that he was already experiencing pain?'_

"J-Ji... W-What are you doing h-here?" Soonyoung said in a weak but soft tone. It further broke Jihoon's heart hearing Soonyoung's voice. "I saw the r-results and... and S-Seokmin, h-he told me e-everything." Jihoon said as he stood in front of the door, not moving an inch. "But, Ji... You shouldn't h-have known." Soonyoung struggled as he spoke. "You weren't supposed to know—" He got interrupted when Jihoon held him in between his arms, hugging him and making him feel warm. As soon as the younger embraced him, Soonyoung sobbed heavily, burying his face on Jihoon's chest.

"Why didn't you tell me, Soonyoung-ah. You should've told me." Jihoon raised his voice, but the older can sense the caring tone when he spoke. "I-I'm sorry, Ji. I didn't want to hurt you, I didn't want you to see me in this state." Soonyoung cried even more, feeling the guilt in his chest.

"Nonsense." Jihoon softly pats Soonyoung's head. "God knows how much I love and care about you."

_Out of all the people in the world, why must it be Soonyoung? Why must he be the one suffering? If someone deserves it more, it's me. I should be the one in this situation instead of him._

Jihoon hated himself for thinking that he was the one in a painful situation when, it was really Soonyoung.

“I-I know Jihoon-ah, I know. I’m s-sorry.” Soonyoung struggled as he spoke. “It’s j-just that I didn’t want to be a burden to y-you.” He continued. “You would never and will never be, Soonyoung-ah. Please keep that in mind.” Jihoon said, resting his cheek on top of the Soonyoung’s head.

_You were never a burden to me, Soonyoung-ah… Never…_

“I-I guess I was t-too afraid to show you… t-this side of me, a frail and w-weak Soonyoung.” He exhaled deeply before continuing. “A Soonyoung that can’t protect you anymore… because he’s held down in a small room, trying to live longer… for his Jihoon...” He felt a huge lump on his throat. “I w-was too afraid that maybe you wouldn’t…” He choked on his breath. “…love me anymore.” Unending stream of tears fell from his eyes as he tried to explain himself.

Jihoon lets go of Soonyoung and cups his face, the latter, however, was looking down, unable to look at his boyfriend. “Soonyoung… Baby… Look at me.” Soonyoung slowly lifted his head. “Do you know beautiful, how precious of a person you are?” He says, looking deeply into his boyfriend’s eyes, admiring how innocent and pure it looks back at him, his thumbs wiping away the beads of tears that was on Soonyoung’s cheeks.

_I can’t leave now…I can’t leave my Jihoonie alone. He’s not ready yet, I’m… not ready yet... He can’t handle this world alone, he needs me. Even though he puts up a tough façade, he needs someone to help him. He needs me… I… need him…_

Lots of thoughts ran into Jihoon and Soonyoung’s mind.

“I—” Before Soonyoung can even start his sentence, Jihoon pressed his lips onto his. The kiss was soft yet passionate. The two can’t help but savor each other’s taste, because how every kiss was just as magical as the first time, sparks flying everywhere. Every time their lips graze at each other’s, it felt like everything was back in place… like everything was okay.

Jihoon and Soonyoung finally found their way back to each other.

Finally, they can now continue where they left off.

But time won’t allow them.

It wouldn’t let them spend the rest of their lives together.

Soonyoung breaks away from the kiss and bows his head. “Soonyoung, what’s the matter? Tell me.” Soonyoung wraps his arms around Jihoon’s waist, pulling him closer. “I-It hurts, Jihoon-ah. It h-hurts.” Jihoon softly pats random parts of Soonyoung’s body for inspection. “What? What hurts?” Sniffling sounds were heard from the older. “E-everything… Everything hurts.”

_I don’t want to hurt please. I don’t want to leave my Jihoon just yet. It’s too soon._

“Wait here, babe, okay? I’ll call the nurse.” Soonyoung releases his grip on Jihoon’s waist and nods. Jihoon comes back with the nurse and gives him pills to ease the pain. He takes them and lies down on his bed to rest.

Everything that just happened was too much for him in this state, but he was thankful enough that Jihoon is here, beside him and taking care of him.

Jihoon escorts the nurse out of the room. Just before the nurse left, Jihoon asked a question. “I-In Soonyoung’s case, are there other ways to cure him?... Like chemotherapy, for example?”

“I’m sorry, sir. It was already too late when the doctor found out about his condition. There’s no point of undertaking any other medical procedures in this state.” The two exchanged bows before the nurse left.

Jihoon once again felt that his world crumbled into bits. “Hyung, are you okay?” Seokmin who was standing beside him asked. “Soonyoung has little time left… a-and I don’t know if I can take it… It’s just too much.”

“Y-Yes, hyung, I know. Stop crying, hyung. Soonyoung hyung wouldn’t like it if he saw you crying. Can you at least be strong for him?” Jihoon slowly nods and wipes his tears before entering Soonyoung’s room.

Jihoon grabs a seat and places it beside Soonyoung’s bed. Soonyoung looks at him as the younger holds his hand, slowly caressing it with his thumb. They stare at each other, not needing to say a word. Their presence was enough.

When the sun started to set, everything was already calm.

“Soonyoung-ah.”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Jihoon-ah.”

“Soonyoung, I love you.”

“Yes, Jihoon. I love you too.”

Jihoon started to tear up again. He holds Soonyoung’s hand up to his cheeks, feeling its warmth.

He closes his eyes as he continued to feel the other’s hand. “Soonyoung-ah, I love you. I love you. I love you.” Soonyoung closes his eyes as he, too, started to tear up. “I love you too, Jihoonie. With all my heart.” As much as Soonyoung wanted to hug his boyfriend, his body was in pain to do so.

_I don’t care if it hurts, let me please just spend more time with Jihoonie. Please. Please. Please._

Everything went silent, only soft sobs were heard in the room.

_Why does time need to be rude?_

_Why won’t it let people be happy?_

_Why won’t it let people spend time together?_

“Jihoon-ah…” Soonyoung said softly. “I’m tired… I’m tired, Jihoon. I want to rest now.” Countless stream of tears further fell from Jihoon’s eyes. He nods, still holding Soonyoung’s hand by his face.

_Is it already time?_

_Is this the end?_

_I don’t want to believe it._

“O-okay, Soonyoung-ah…” Jihoon struggled to speak as his sobs were getting stronger by the second. He couldn’t take it anymore, but he must accept it, he must be strong for Soonyoung. “C-can you call Seokmin in? I-I want to see him before I r-rest.” By the tone of Soonyoung’s voice, anyone can notice that he was already too weak. “Sure, anything.”

Seokmin enters the room, hands curled up in a fist, stopping himself from crying. “Oh, Seokmin-ah.” Soonyoung softly smiles the moment he sees his best friend. Seokmin grabs a chair and seats on the other side of Soonyoung’s bed, opposite Jihoon. Soonyoung faces Seokmin and starts to caress his cheeks. “Thank you, Seokmin-ah… F-For everything.” The latter closes his eyes and softly nods. “S-Sure, Soonyoung hyung. Anything for you.”

Silence filled the air one more time.

As time passed by, Soonyoung felt weaker and weaker.

_I’m not ready to leave Jihoon, Seokmin or anyone yet, but I’m already tired._

_I want to rest already._

_Seokmin-ah, thank you for everything._

_Thank you for being there for me all the time._

_Thank you because you never left my side when I turned like this._

_Thank you._

_Jihoon-ah, please be strong for me._

_Please be happy._

_Please don’t be sad when I leave your side._

_Please don’t blame yourself._

Not one person uttered a single word. Only the sound of muffled cries and beeps from the machine beside Soonyoung’s bed were heard.

_Thank you._

_Thank you for accepting my love._

_Thank you for loving me for who I am._

_Thank you because you didn’t give up on me._

_Thank you for being the light of my life every time I feel like giving up._

_Thank you because you became the reason why I wanted to live longer, why I lived longer._

_And most of all…_

_Thank you for never letting go._

_But this time…_

_This only time…_

_I need to let go…_

_I must let go…_

_I love you, Jihoon-ah._

“I-I’m going to rest now. I love you both.” Soonyoung slowly closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath for the very last time.

Both Jihoon and Seokmin were holding each of Soonyoung’s hands as they closed their eyes.

 

And then a long beep was heard.

-

Three weeks had passed since Soonyoung departed.

Jihoon was cleaning their apartment, organizing Soonyoung’s things when he saw a small velvet box hidden in Soonyoung's side of the cabinet. He couldn’t believe his eyes with what he saw when he opened it. There was a silver engagement ring and a little folded-up note tucked behind it.

 

_Jihoon-ah!_

 

_By the time you read this, I’m already gone._

_(Ya! Don’t cry!!! It’s bad for you!!!)_

_Just know that wherever I am now, I’m happy because I know that someone loves me with all their heart and I, too, love that person. Do you know who it is?... It’s Taemin…_ _ㅋㅋ_

_Kidding. Of course, it’s you._

_It will always be you, Ji._

_I just want to say that I’m sorry._ _Sorry that I didn’t live long enough to give you this ring. I’m sorry that I didn’t fight hard enough to spend more time with you. I hope you forgive me._

 _Also, thank you._ _Thank you for being there with me through ups and downs. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you because you became my will to live._ _Thank you for everything._

_I want you to know that you made me the happiest person in the world, so this time, I also want you to be the happiest person by finding yourself a special someone. I know that it’s hard for you to move on and meet new people, but you deserve to be happy, Ji._

_In return, I want you to give this ring to the person that will love you as much as I love you, accept you for who you are, and make you happy as much as you made me happy._

_Remember I told you in my first letter that making you happy is my priority? It still is._

_You have always been there for me, now it’s your time to be there for yourself._

_I love you and I will keep loving you until the end of time._

_Soonyoung_

 

After reading Soonyoung’s letter, Jihoon thought that it’s not the time to cry, but the time to smile and move on.

He’s already happy knowing that Soonyoung is.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for any typos and grammatical errors
> 
> kudos and comments are highly appreciated! ♥
> 
> follow me on twitter @hoshujii !!


End file.
